Today has been a tough day, following a tough week, a tough month, a tough year, a tough two years. My heart wonders when the pendulum will swing back and restore balance to my family, to my life, to me - and lighten the load and restore my strength.
I wrestle with so many fears and disappointments and some days my angst-ridden heart just sinks; today is most certainly one of those days. But even when it does, I hear that still, small voice that whispers, "Kathy, I love you." How can it be that He whom knows my heart most hasn't given up on me and my family? He calls my name, calls me to Himself to comfort me, to gift me with His grace.
And yet I confess that there is still a cavernous hole within my heart. Sometimes I hide - in books, in movies, in busyness, in sleep. But still I wrestle with questions - when will deliverance come - or will it ever come? I know His presence, I know His grace. What I don't know, or don't understand, is this desert. And who am I to ask my heavenly father why.
But, I am tired, I am cast down. I read the scriptures that say, "You who are cast down, hope in the Lord." Sometimes I can; today I cannot. But, I will keep walking, I will cast my cares upon Him. I will trust Him for all that I need. He knows my frame - He counts my days. He has a plan. Isn't that really all I need to know?
