What a couple of weeks!

I feel like a whirling dervish - the onset of the holiday season, recovering from my ankle stress fracture, wrecking my car, buying a new car, a busy work schedule, trying to schedule time to decorate our home for Christmas AND stay up with my exercise and healthy eating plans. Some things, sadly, are falling by the wayside. There will be no cookie exchange at the Strawns this year - but LOOK OUT next year - bigger and better, I promise!

And yet, I'm having such a great time - shopping, celebrating and even more shopping. How wonderful to have the energy for ALL of it! I had no idea what I had lost when my weight was incapacitating me.

I have been mulling over many thoughts of late - how great it feels to be 72 pounds lighter this Christmas than last - how fun it is to shop for me and for others - how wonderful to be the mother of a really good, kind, bright and loving daughter, how blessed I am that no one was hurt in my recent auto accident, how nice it is to drive a new, fancier car that was the bargain of the century - and today is a great celebration - the 21st wedding anniversary for Tim and me. But the thought that just has me marveling is the one that Zoe tossed out to the women in my Ultimate U class last week. Zoe called us "fit" women. Oh my gosh, I had never considered that. But, it is true. I am fit - I excercise regularly and am getting stronger every day with more and more stamina. Who would have thought that taking the stairs whenever possible would be a choice I gladly make! My life is changed - not just a weight loss, but a LIFESTYLE change.

I am, oh, so thankful to my God who endures all of my antics and yet still chooses to love me unconditionally and bring me to His place of peace. He truly has rescued me and even when I try to meander away, his hand is ever on me, guiding me back to him and his complete and perfect love.

Learning to incorporate change

When confronting a big project, it is often overwhelming; just as incorporating healthy living into my renegade lifestyle was. And look where I've come on that front! Now it's time to tackle some additional areas of my life - I long to be organized and live life in a simpler manner. Thanks to my wellness coach, I have learned one huge lesson that I intend to employ in tackling this lifestyle project.

One of the first lessons I learned in the Ultimate U Challenge was that baby steps are the way to go to incorporate lasting change. I'm not interested in going great guns only to burn out in a few weeks. Baby steps will avail me much change; one stretch at a time.

And thus, I shall take small steps and conquer the land of disorganization and mis-kept ways. Look out basement - I'll be there before you know it. Today, I tackled the first-floor guest bathroom - took about 15 minutes but makes me feel so great! Organization reigns in a tiny place - but is destined for the whole house!

Shopping but not dropping!

There is a song in the air; it is my heart singing. This year I have rejoined the shoppers. The last few years I've been forced to strictly shop online because it physically was just too hard on my out-of-shape physical condition. Let's face it, shopping is not for the weak in heart (and feet and knees)!

But this year...look out I have been out in the masses for hours at a time. As a matter of fact, I took on Black Friday at 5 a.m. (much to my chauffeur brother's dismay) and hit store after store. Was I tired when I was finished? Yes, but only because I got up early. The walking was easy and I Christmas-shopped to my heart's content.

I LOVE my new life!

A new name

Wow - I never knew I would get a new name in this quest for health - but, I LOVE it! I'm becoming known as "the ever-shrinking Strawn" at the gym. And it feels so good! It puts a big ol' smile on my face.

I finally made it past 69.8 pounds lost this past weekend - all the way to 70.6. Somehow, psychologically, that just sounds so much better to me.

The current behometh in my way is the tendency to eat something right before going to bed. Stupid, yes; hard to control? Oh my yes. But I know if I am diligent and really try to make snacking right before bed verboten, that eventually snack-free bedtimes will be a habit - adding another healthy living habit to the list of many I've made over the past year.

A light glows brightly

Did you ever wonder why we're drawn to light? It really is mesmerizing. This morning as I drove to physical therapy, I saw the sun breaking dawn in the east. Amid a scenery of bare trees and grey sky everywhere, there was a gigantic and looming bright red glistening sun sitting on the horizon. It almost looked like one of those "art style" black and white photographs that had the sun artificially colored. It was quite a spectacle.

This is how I see my life right now - the grey representing the work yet to be done - and it is vast. Yet, there is the bright, sparkling red sun pointing me in the way I should go.

A poster for me!

Thanks to a friend and her tip on a fun little exercise, I've created a motivational poster to help me identify my path over the last 10 months. These words mean soooo much to me - as do all of the people who have helped me along the way.

It's all in the little things

While my ankle mends and my work-outs are modified, weight loss has slowed, but thankfully it hasn't stopped. While the scale is not reflecting great losses, I choose to reflect on the great gains I have made - the ability to move through a crowded restaurant or room without feeling self conscious and not needing to ask everyone to "scoot in" so I can get by. Navigating previously "tight" pews at church are no longer a source of embarrassment. Sitting in restaurant booths is now a wonderful luxury. Unless one has traversed these situations, they cannot imagine the stress that something so small can cause. And now I am free from that stress and I am, oh, so thankful! I, too, am finding that I am shopping more and more often in regular-sized departments - what freedom that is (and much more stylish too!).

I'm also finding that it is quite fun to see friends I haven't seen in months - just to register their facial reaction when they see me. It just feels good to be me again! And, tonight I get to see my mom...and I haven't seen her since spring - what fun THAT will be!

A pleasant surprise!

When the doctor advised that I could not continue my exercise program as I knew it, I immediately thought, "There goes the weight loss." Luckily, I am able to continue a modified exercise program with a stationary bike and anything that doesn't stress the knees and ankles. I didn't realize that I could still get a pretty decent workout.

And, boy, have I been surprised that I continue to lose weight - albeit slowly. For that I am thankful! I am really getting close to 70 pounds lost (68.6!)and that is so exciting. Usually after 40 pounds I have given up and let the weight climb back up. But, not this time. I am amazed at myself sometimes - this time it truly is a lifestyle change. I am thinking new thoughts and employing new methods to create a healthy life. And, I am feeling so much better about myself!!

Detour ahead

Well, I have a map and a plan and the best support team ever for my wellness walk, but I wasn't aware of the detour. But hey, life is about the journey, not just the destination.

Today I learned that I have a stress fracture in my left ankle. Soooooo, I guess I will be taking it a bit easier for six weeks because I sure do not want ankle surgery. And, although this would have taken me down and out last year, I choose not to let that happen now. I will find a way to exercise and keep the momentum; my trainer and physical therapist have their work cut out for them in finding alternative ways to keep me active. And I will bask in the glory of getting a chance to try something new.

As for Tim and Annie, they will be walking the dog for awhile. They just don't know it yet.

Phew...goal finally set

I have been agonizing for weeks in an attempt to set a personal goal during this wellness challenge. Thankfully understanding kicked in last night. Setting goals has nothing to do with someone else's goals. Goal setting is all about doing what I need to provide the motivation to spur me forward. While physical goals are fine and dandy, and definitely necessary, I just was not comfortable in setting that type of a goal at this stage of my wellness quest. I am in need of serotonin and dopamine to keep me happy and well and evolving. Finally I have zeroed in on that goal.

Writing is that which satisfies me, quiets me and encourages me. I have determined I need to tune in to Kathy on a more regular basis, and put those thoughts down on paper, so that I can measure where I've been and see where I'm headed.

I am now looking forward to adding to this blog at least twice a week through the end of the year, and that will be like perfumed oil to parched skin for me - restoring and renewing me as I reach forward to wellness.

Drum roll, please...

Whew; I finally made it to 65 pounds lost. Almost thought I was going to be stuck at 63 forever. Thankfully, I've made it past THAT plateau! I've really had to work for this Pandora bead. For those that don't know, I have rewarded myself with one Pandora bead for every five pounds lost. My bracelet is really getting full, but my closet is darn near empty. Tim to start thinking about buying some new fall clothes. But just the bare essentials...maybe this time next year I'll be at goal and can really cut loose!

Never did a sigh feel so great!

Tied up in knots - that's what I've been for a couple of weeks. Being a mom is not easy but it is THE BEST job in the world. Our Annie took on the responsibility of serving as presiding officer of her Rainbow assembly. And that means memorizing the ritual to conduct the meetings and initiations - a task that would be formidable for me. While she had all summer to undertake that task, somehow it was left until almost the last minute and that is exactly what tied me up in knots. But last night she proved herself well. She ROCKED that initiation, conducting the work well.

I have been so stressed about this and have tried so hard not to return to my old unworkable methods of handling the stress. Let's just say that Annie was more successful than I have been, yet, here I am, pressing on in the knowledge that the old way doesn't work for me. Medicating with food is just so defeating. My new way of handling stress is to open my serotonin tool box to find something else that brings that "ahhhh." Sometimes all I need is a revved up work-out or a walk with my dog. Shopping for new, smaller clothes is always a plus. Even digging in and cleaning and organizing Annie's room as a surprise for her was what worked for me this week. I just need to remember to open the tool box and not the refrigerator door.

Down, but not out!

While the bouncing scale continues to stupify me, I am yet shouting VICTORY. Last night was the academic showcase at Annie's high school - an event that Tim and I look forward to each fall. This is simply a chance to walk through Annie's schedule in one evening, with 10 minutes for every class period - a wonderful opportunity to see her learning environment, meet her teachers and learn what is expected from each of her teachers and classes.

As you may be aware, the high school campus is sprawling - seven main academic buildings on two floors. Last year this little adventure about killed me - I was huffing and puffing, looking for elevators and shortcuts at every turn since there were eight periods with only five minutes between classes. This year, however, it was a different story. I ran up and down the stairs, going from building to building and floor to floor very easily...never once was I winded or found huffing and puffing. And, I fit in each and every student desk in every classroom!

While this event last year proved to be quite a challenge as well as embarrassment for me, I found it easy and enjoyable this year. And that, my friends, is only one of the many reasons I am on this ultimate adventure!

Here we go 'round again

Really. The scale is driving me absolutely crazy; I've been up and down with the same two pounds for the past two weeks. It's enough to drive me straight to Dairy Queen...or at least it used to be enough. Now, I'm learning I need to sit down and really listen to what my body is telling me. Am I retaining water, keeping my food logs and putting my all into my workouts? If I am, I must stay the course. But, if I'm not and I am indulging because I'm feeling blue or angry and I'm responding with food, then I need to take a look at my life. Is something frustrating me, do I need to communicate my needs to others better? I must remember that others cannot read my mind; if I need help I need to ask for help, rather than sulk with a handful or two of chips or a dish of ice cream (with Hersheys and salted nuts, of course). This is a new way for me; takes me a few rounds to get it. But, get it, I will. Check back with me in another couple of weeks.

Feeling great!

The ramifications of stuffing myself with unhealthy food were so far-reaching. I've been on my healthful journey since February and I am amazed at how good I feel - about life and about myself. And, it is such a turn from my state of health last year.

I'm feeling stronger (Thanks to my trainer, Karyn! She is perfect for me - she pushes me when I need it and takes care of all my creaking parts when they are crying out!) and I'm beginning to look better as well. I've started to buy just a few things to wear - some even that didn't come from the plus-size department, which is just so encouraging to me. My Ultimate U coach has been strengthening my mindset as well. Zoe has made me understand that serotonin needs MUST be satisfied - one way or the other. With her guidance, I'm starting to fill up my serotonin tool box with healthful ways to meet those needs.

And as for my heart - my heavenly father continues to heal and nurture me in ways I never expected. A special thank you to Leslie for all of her guidance, wisdom and encouragement.

I am a new creation; and today that creation weighs 62.6 pounds less than she did last year!

Press On

Some days are harder than others. It's just a fact. And often there is no rhyme or reason to it; but sometimes there is a reason. And when there is, I have to remember to make a change, re-group and move on. Thankfully my God has given me his grace eternal and it is new every morning. I can't understand how the world can function without Him. He is my All.

A new shopping adventure

I bought a new belt yesterday.

That, in and of itself, is not really newsworthy. But this is - I bought it at American Eagle Outfitters! I can't remember the last time I bought ANYTHING that wasn't from a plus size shop or department. And, it's a belt, people! It fits around my waist!

I was shopping at Easton with Annie yesterday afternoon (for school clothes, of course) when it caught my eye...for me, not for Annie. I kind of thought to myself, "forget it...not yet." But my curiosity got the best of me; I tried it on and, voila, the sparkly leather skinny belt went home with me. Who knew a thin stip of leather could make me so happy!

Up, up and away!

Never in a million years did it cross my mind to parasail, prior to our wonderful vacation in Hilton Head. But this vacation was different. Working hard to get healthy and having lost 56+ pounds since February have given me a new outlook on life. I can do ANYTHING! Even fly up in the air on a swing attached to a parachute attached to a boat over the Calibogue Sound. And Annie was game, which made it MUCH more fun!

This vacation was amazing - I walked the beach without tiring, played in the water and waves without nearly the embarrassment of years past in putting myself "out there" in a bathing suit. I really enjoyed this vacation - even the 114 steps to the top of the lighthouse at Harbortown.

My life is really beginning to open up to me again. I am, oh, so thankful!

And, by the way, I did, in fact, lose half a pound while on vacation. And, that is sweeter than any chocolate I've ever tasted!

Double Nickels

Some days I awaken to surprises...and today's happy surprise was my scale showing I have now lost 55 pounds. And the beauty of that for me is that I am able to make wise enough choices that even allow for a sensible summertime treat now and then and still lose weight. Tim and I went to Graeter's last night and I indulged in lemon sorbet...and it COMPLETELY fit into my new way of eating and living. You have no idea how good that feels.

Slow and steady

Well...I did survive Ohio Rainbow's Grand Assembly with Annie's assembly...chaperoning teen girls, walking all over Kenyon College campus for four days, with no access to a scale, a gym or a kitchen to prepare my healthy meals. Of course, as in all of life, the unexpected happened. I tripped over an uneven sidewalk and kissed the ground with my face and knee. My first thought was to check my teeth to see that they were still intact and unbroken (they were!). Then I heard the siren and knew that someone had called for help. Just a little bit embarrassing. My face and knee are now sporting really attractive scabs and lovely, vibrant shades of yellow and gray. This little accident has thwarted my work-out schedule this week while I recuperate, yet I still made it in for two work-outs this week and that feels GREAT!

I find it a great success to be down 51.4 pounds, even after all of the above. My God is so gracious.

I guess I'm learning that life still happens, in spite of our plans.

Our annual family beach vacation is coming up in two weeks and I really can't wait. It's been my goal to be able to bike the Hilton Head bike trails and walk MILES on the beach this year. It's been quite awhile since I've been able to do either. The walk to the beach and the pools used to just wipe me out. But, lookout this year. My four days at Grand Assembly shows me that I can walk just about anywhere now and what a great feeling that is! And this trip will not take me away from a gym or a kitchen to prepare healthy, summertime meals for all of us. The gym and the barbecue grills at the Marriott are great and I'm looking forward to a change in scenery (and a margarita or two poolside!).

And, for anyone interested, I will add that my beloved daughter was awarded a second place ribbon in state ritual competition for her age category and was appointed to two statewide offices for Ohio Rainbow while we were at Kenyon. (Yes, I know, a proud mom is just unbearable!) Annie was named Christian Flag Tribute and Representative to California...which means she will be writing a speech about the Christian Flag to present at the opening session of next year's Ohio Grand Assembly, AND, we will be going to California's Grand Assembly in Fresno next April!

A milestone!

Today is a remarkable day. I have now passed the "50 pounds lost" marker with a loss of 50.8 p0unds. I'm also learning that it really is counterproductive to deny myself food when I am truly hungry. It's much easier to make healthy choices when I'm only hungry and not frantic and hungry. The old paradigm of dieting...deny, deny, deny...is no longer valid in my life. How refreshing and non-limiting.

I found a storage bin of gold in the basement this morning. It was chock full of clothes that fit me years ago...many of which I loved. AND...they fit again. Two brand new bathing suits, a suit, a couple of dresses. Things I really need again. I love shopping in my basement. I almost bought a bathing suit yesterday and decided to wait to see what might be in the dusty archives and I am so glad I did. And how nice is it that while reclaiming my old skinnier clothes I'm also emptying some of the crap out of our basement!

Annie and I are leaving tomorrow for Rainbow Grand Assembly at Kenyon College and I'm a bit trepiditious of what lies ahead - no scale, no gym, no dog to walk, and someone else preparing my food for four days. I'm certain all will be okay; I now have enough tools under my belt to make the "uncontrolled situation" work for me...it's just a bit unsettling. I think I'll ramp up my work-out tonight as my little send-off!

It's a new day!

2010 represents a new a new start for me - to reclaim myself and renew and restore my health and happiness - that I might live the life that has been granted me in the fullest. Blogging, too, is brand new to me; yet, writing is not. It is my avocation as well as has been my occupation for quite some time. The written word is a treasure to me and to my soul. As a writer, I know that one must first determine his or her audience. This time, I am the audience. Anyone else who happens upon my musings and revelations will simply be seeing me as I truly am.

As a Christian, I firmly believe that things happen as they must and that my God is ALWAYS in control of my life. HE knows the plans HE has for me and shall accomplish the good work in time. Negative events in our lives hopefully spur us on to change for the better. This, indeed, has happened to me.

This new year marked a change for me. A change for wellness and wholeness. I am on a quest to reclaim health and happiness and am already seeing the fruits of that endeavor.

In February of this year, I enrolled in a wellness program that is changing me - the way I eat, the way I think and the way I exercise. I have already learned that if one asks the Lord to not let go of them, but to keep them on a path to health, He will do that. He is keeping me on that path and pulling me further and further from harm's way each day. I rejoice in that!

I have already lost 47+ pounds and my clothes are swimming on me. Now, THAT is victory. Each new day brings another opportunity for success. I am so excited about these life changes and look forward to each new step.