Black holes

Each day when I awaken life seems darker and less easy to navigate. Black holes are lonely and they seem endless. But still, I awaken. Oh, if only I could sleep my life away until heaven.

But, I cannot.

I have a Redeemer who casts life and light where there is none. He is my hope. No more hoping in this or that. My hope is IN HIM.

He holds me, comforts me and knows my frame. In HIM I place my trust.

Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, On those who hope for His lovingkindness. Psalms 33:18

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:1-5

Lost hope does not define my future

Sometimes, especially when the road has been long and hard, we start believing that our struggles today are all that the future will ever hold for us. Our arms tremble and shake from the holding on, our legs are tired from the incessant uphill climb and our minds have been numbed by seemingly unanswered prayers and shattered dreams.

But there is One who has not forgotten His promise of a hope and future for His children, even when we have long ago lost the ability to see it. His work in us and for us will never be stagnant or complete until the day of His return. He who knew how to hang the moon and the stars in the sky and to create life out of nothingness is even at our lowest moment working and moving to create our future. And today, that will just have to suffice.

But God will never forget the needy; the hope of the afflicted will never perish. Psalm 9:18

Angels

Recently standing in the Westerville bank that held all of my dad's assets, I was all at once overwhelmed and overwrought. I had just spent a harrowing three hours in the Franklin County Probate Court. As the newly-named guardian of his person and estate, I was now at the bank, with a raft of paperwork and permissions from the court, allowing me to withdraw his assets in order to set up a guardianship account to take care of his needs for the rest of his life on earth. I was in tears, standing, waiting to speak with an account specialist, and was about to turn my dad's life upside down.

How in the world did this happen - and happen so quickly? Dementia, Alzheimer's, robber of one's memories, had invaded my dad's life and the life of all of his children and those who love him. His memories had been fading for some time, but intense and gut-wrenching cranial pain and the subsequent neurosurgery kicked dementia into high gear. How is it that a dad who held me, made me laugh, taught me how to ride a bike and then drive a car, the man who cried all the way home from dropping his first born at Miami University decades ago - how is it that he sometimes forgets my name?

My emotions were piqued at these turn of events and the overwhelming responsibilities I was assuming that day. I felt helpless as I stood, waiting.

As I gripped the file folder of documents, a sweet and beautiful woman appeared at my left arm. She could see I was visibly upset and instantly engaged me in conversation. She spoke of a battle with cancer and how, if it were not for her faith in the Lord, she would have never made it through to be able to be standing there. I spoke - spilling out my reason for being there and how sad it made me. She immediately offered an encouraging word of faith and promised to be praying for me and all that needed to be done. I had known this woman for mere seconds and she hugged me so tight as if to say, "All will be okay - look to the Lord."

The banker I had been waiting to see called my name and in a split second I realized this woman did not have any papers, any documents, any checks, any evidence of bank business with her. As I entered the banker's office I looked back and she was gone - GONE. She had appeared to be waiting for a banker too, but as soon as I turned around, she was gone.

Do I believe in angels? Do I believe the Lord sends messengers to those in need? Of course I do. But believing and experiencing are two different concepts. That day I had moved from belief to experience and even now I am in awe of a God so concerned about my heart that he sent an angel all the way to earth to ease the strain of the day for me, just a girl trying to take care of her dad.

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, And rescues them. Psalms 34:7 (NASB)

Home

Grandma and her great-grandson Joshua

at my mom's 70th birthday party

My grandmother is home now - safe and sound and peaceful - and my heart is relieved. Her 93-year run on this big, wide earth ended Monday evening with small soft breaths until there were no more. I can't imagine the joyful sounds she heard as she joined her savior and all of the family and friends that were her advance team. I would imagine that there were many tears of joy and endless hugs. I even think my funny friend Terry probably greeted her with a, "Where's the chocolate cake, grandma?" And my beloved grandfather, Po, undoubtedly would ask, "How are my Cubbies doing?"

Of course, we really don't know what to expect in the heavenly realm; we can only conject. But, one thing I know is that it will be glorious to look upon the face of Jesus when my day comes.

Today I am reminded of her many oft-told stories and I smile. She liked to talk about Annie's christening - with her bare little toes dancing under her beautiful white gown. She spoke of the time that Tim took her to the dentist while toting our 4-month old daughter while I was at work, he making sure Annie's sunglasses were on "just right." She also loved to recount growing up near Cumberland Falls and the subsequent family reunions there. Her recall of those reunions were often more memorable and wonderful than those of us who attended, but to each his own. She was happy to have her family around her. It meant EVERYTHING.

Grandma left us all a legacy of quilts, baby afghans and amazing cake recipes, but even more than that, her love. I will miss her terribly, but am so happy she is safely home.

"Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great!" Matthew 5:12

Look straight ahead

We are a questioning people. We want to know details, how plans are going to be worked out step-by-step and when. If I know one thing certainly, it is that God doesn't often give us the details; instead He says, follow me, let me lead you.

He gives us daily tools - faith, love, peace - to use while He completes His work in us. But in the meantime we are told to look straight ahead - fixing our eyes on He whom has created us. It's hard to look down or look around and try to figure out the ways our lives should play out if we have our eyes fixed on Him. And THAT is His plan for us. We are to fix our eyes on Him and He will take care of the rest. That is His promise to us.

Peter most definitely had his eyes on the Christ when he stepped out of that boat and walked on the water. The minute he paid attention to the waters and the situation around him he began to sink. He had taken his focus off of the Living God.

I pray that every day I become more and more able and willing to keep my eyes on Him. He is the God of the storms and life around me. Let me not be afraid but rather always looking to Him and trusting Him with the details, the pitfalls, the snares and the traps that He walks me through. He will not allow me to be consumed if I can but keep my eyes on Him.

"Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you."
Proverbs 4:25 NIV

Stones

In olden days and in primitive living, stones could bring death to an accused. Stone - like all else in this world - was a part of the creation story. And though creation brings life, stones can bring death. Was that God's intent? I think not.

Jesus told Peter that He would build His church upon a Rock - THE Rock. Stone - again - in a big way intended to be a firm foundation. A good thing.

The world is full of things and experiences meant to help us, to bless us, to change us. Yet we often turn those things and experiences away from their original intent resulting in some sort of death.

This morning as I left for work I felt a huge wedge of stone trying to plant itself in my heart - to block the turmoil and the pain, to cut me off from those around me. But in so blocking the uncomfortable, I know it would bring death to my spirit, death to the possibilities that God has for me through the turmoil and pain. I cannot allow that stone to be planted in my heart. It is my choice to allow my heart to be laid bare and experience those uncomfortable feelings and pressing concerns rather than bury them under a stone.

Without that stone covering my heart, I am vulnerable. But without that stone, I am allowed to see God at work in my life.

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you, I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."
Ezekiel 36:26 NIV